Some advice for a love interest.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Valthor, May 31, 2014.

  1. Valthor

    Valthor New Member

    Hey everyone, I'm looking for some tips/words of advice; primarily from some of the female members who can really give me a solid perspective that I cannot quite gain myself.

    I'll try to make this brief and concise:
    There is a girl in which I am quite interested in, and lately I've been beginning to believe she is into me, too. Here's why.
    We sort of had a summer thing two years ago where we hung out a bunch, acted much like a couple, but only going as far as making out for intimacy. Everything seemed to be going well but it never really advanced much, and once I went away to college we sort of just lost touch. I'm back home for work now and thought about her, so I decided to message her for small talk (this was about a week ago) - it went smoothly and I suggested we catch up some time. Since then she has liked my pictures/posts on facebook (perhaps a signal) and today she messaged me to ask if I still wanted to meet up. I decided to not message her in the past week to see if she would get back to me to show interest, because I know she's the type to like some space. I'm slightly nervous to meet up with her again due to how things ended out before, but this time when we go back to school we will be living in the same area, so this makes me feel like if anything comes of us talking again it might work out better.
    She's a peculiar girl and I often have trouble reading her, and thus I get nervous (along with me liking her) and I can't always be myself around her as a result.

    Anyhow, the main thing I'm wondering is if I'm misinterpreting what I believe to be signals that she might be into me. And if she is, how should I approach the situation? I'm looking for general tips, I guess.

    How do you fellow gentleman woo a fair lady?
    What do you ladies prefer men do or say when approaching or showing interest in you?
    Do you know of any theories or ideas to help me not mess up psychologically?


    Last edited: May 31, 2014
  2. Gara Bloodreaver

    Gara Bloodreaver Scion

    I think you should meet up first. You'll get much clearer signals for one. Two people change after any length of time apart and what you remember of each other may not be the case now and three you should always be able to be yourself around someone you might have an emotional interest in, because it will spill out eventually and when it does they'll look at you like 'who are you?'

    And as an added bonus I just wrote this pantsless.

    Xev, ll Dan G ll and Valthor like this.
  3. Maggie May

    Maggie May Crystal Brave

    Listen to the Gara Man he's the Joker of LOve!!! Ok seriously, be a friend and see where that goes ....

  4. Artorias

    Artorias Crystal Brave

    Woo a lady? Brother, chivalry is dead :). Seriously though, meet up with her, as Gara said and things should be a bit clearer. There's honestly nothing to be nervous about. I mean, what's the worst thing that could happen? She says "Nah, I'm just not into you like that."? In that case, there's plenty of other fish in the sea. Just meet up, talk it out and see where it goes. Women dig confidence (whether they admit it or not) so things are more likely to go your way the less nervous you appear to be. Just roll with it, be yourself, and if she's into you still, rock on. If she's not, oh well, s**t happens lol. Just don't pretend to be something around her you're not.

    In the immortal words of Kurt Cobain, and words I live by personally; I'd rather be hated for who I am, than loved who I am not. *sagenod* :)

    Xev likes this.
  5. Gara Bloodreaver

    Gara Bloodreaver Scion

    * grabs Atorias and rolls around in fecal matter* WHY WON'T YOU LOVE ME??!!!!!

    Artorias likes this.
  6. Artorias

    Artorias Crystal Brave

    LOL! *breathes deeply* Ahhhh!!! You smell manly!!!

  7. Xev

    Xev Adventurer

    I'm with the others; Meet up and see where things go from there. It's probably best to go without expectations as it'll make things easier for you to relax, be yourself and not worry too much if things don't go the way you want. From personal experience, it can be quite awkward when a guy acts on edge and uncomfortable around me. Doesn't hurt to stay positive either as there is nothing lost in this venture. Best case scenario, you have a connection. Worst case, you still have a friend. Best wishes to you either way.

  8. Fybrile

    Fybrile Administrator

    The key: Don't over think women. A) It's impossible, and/or B) They hate when you understand them.

    Just be yourself. It's not a pre-teen Disney bullshit motto; it's the key to success. Do what makes you feel happy. Tell the jokes you laugh at. Talk about your interests. Be honest about what you want: from life, from your job, from her. If you guys can't connect on any of those things, it's going to inevitably break down anyways.

    Signals are bullshit. If she's sending out signals or if she isn't, at the end of the day, it doesn't matter. If she is, she wants you to act. If she isn't, you won't know a thing until you act. Either way, act. Openly, honestly and with moderate expectations. Asking a girl out won't kill you, but overthinking it might.

    If you can't be yourself around her, it's either not the right girl or not the right time for you.

    That's my 2 cents in 2 minutes.

  9. Labbit

    Labbit Adventurer

    Best way is just to meet up with her. While signals can be a good way to see if she's interested in general (even as just a friend), they get pretty useless after that. If she's not being clear and straight forward about it, the best way to find out is to meet up in person and take it from there. If she's not going to make the first move to make things clear, then you should. It's easier said than done but it's the best way to know for sure. I understand that being nervous can make it difficult to be yourself around her but if you can't be yourself with her there's no point. You should be confident about who you are because at the end of the day, you want her to like who you really are. If she doesn't, well, there are plenty of other girls out there.
    Good luck~

    Fybrile likes this.
  10. RVT

    RVT Adventurer

    I would point out that it's not a fantastic idea to make a go of things with someone you feel you can't be yourself around, but if you still have fun together, there'd be no harm in hanging out to ascertain what feelings, if any, exist between you.

    Everyone is different, so I would just do what the situation dictates. I personally like people to be upfront with me about their feelings instead of trying to dance around it by showing me with a vast array of vague and/or confusing gestures.

    Fybrile likes this.
  11. Ingrid

    Ingrid Crystal Brave

    Don't be smelly. That is all.

    Maggie May, Xev and Fybrile like this.
  12. Tharian83

    Tharian83 Crystal Brave

    I hope she isn't a particularly avid Final Fantasy XIV: A Realm Reborn Fan, because sometimes a guy asking strangers for help to woo a girl (woo? seriously?) can send the wrong messages to said girl if she discovers it.

    That said, I am in complete agreement with the others, meet up with her and see where things stand on that front.

  13. Sword

    Sword Scion

    Val, first off don't ever take something as simple as liking FB pics as a means of being "interested" in you. I can like hundreds of my friends pics on a daily basis and it wouldn't mean I'm interested in them, as social media sites tend to leave too many ways for things to be misinterpreted. And just for good measure, make sure to set your settings to friends only and block any ex's you didn't mutually break up with. A.K.A. Do not keep them as friends if they cheated on you (or you on them), your breakup ended or was the cause of a fight, or if they aren't emotionally able to accept you two broke up. Why? Well one thing is your not doing her a favor giving her any idea of rekindling a relationship, and some will make it their mission to ruin any chance of love if given half a chance.

    Second, you're never going to get a solid read on a woman... EVER, that's just a fact you'll have to accept.

    Third, if you're wanting to be involved in this persons life to the point of intimacy and perhaps love, you need to get yourself involved. Take her up on that offer and catch up, and never make her wait for an answer more than you have to.

    Good thing for you though, it seems like you at least got a little something going, but it sounds like you're both waiting to see which of you will make the first move. Granted, if you make the first move and she's not interested it can be kind of awkward, but chances are it will be that way anyways and half the battle is taking that first step to find out if she is interested.

    I recommend doing something like just hang out at the mall, get some lunch together, maybe catch the matinee nothing serious just to hang out. Catch up on the time you've missed and see where she stands in life and take it from there.
    --- Double Post Merged, Aug 14, 2014, Original Post Date: Aug 14, 2014 ---
    Oh one more thing, and it's VERY important.

    Be upfront about everything.

    You shouldn't be blatant mind you (it takes a special kind of Bastard Swordy charm to do that :p), just be honest and don't try to dodge around her questions. Chances are she might ask something you're not sure about how to answer, uncomfortable with answering, or something you don't know the answer too, just say so. Long as you give her a straight honest answer and don't give her the impression you're hiding something she'll be more inclined to trust what you have to say and open up to you more.

    Frostwolf likes this.
  14. Miyuu

    Miyuu Adventurer

    Well I will add my vote to the "meet up with her first" option.

    Liking your posts on FB could be a sign or not. It could be that she does it to everyone, or even if it's just you it could be because of novelty. You won't know the answer unless you stalk her, and that is not a good idea.

    Now preparing for your meeting. There are a few "signs" you can grasp from a face to face meeting with her. Careful though, there are indications but not proof she likes you even if those flags are up. Naturally those signs are valid for guys too. I used them to help me getting my sh*t together to start a relationship with my current bf.
    - If she tries to get physically close to you. Decent sign, but if she's the "I like to hug everyone" type it means absolutely nothing.
    - If she bites her lips. That's a pretty good sign, although it could be just physical attraction.
    - Losing her words/slip of the tongue. She may be trying to impress you, maybe even insinuating things without wanting to be direct. (or she is just clumsy)
    There is also a lot that depends on how she normally behave. If she's usually very outgoing and confident and seems shy it could be that she is just as stressed as you are.

    There is no proof and there will never be, courage is the only thing that will lead to a result (except maybe luck).

    I hope this is helpful.

    Also as mentioned already by others: be yourself. If she does not like you for who you are the relation will never last. No trust and true love can be build upon lies and appearances. (I should copyright this xD)

    Anyway good luck!

  15. Kitsu_Foxrun87

    Kitsu_Foxrun87 Crystal Brave

    Dude I'm in the same boat. The only difference is that I'm not trying to pursue her. I work with her for crying out loud and yeah she smiles and says hi and my name in the same sentence when she sees me. I want to tell her how I feel...I really REALLY do but I feel like I'm going to get disappointed because most girls these days go after meatheaded dbags. Sorry ladies but it is true. She even gives me a ride home and we talk about the entire day of work when sometimes I just want to turn and kiss her....but I don't out of respect. I suck.

    Sword likes this.
  16. Sword

    Sword Scion

    Hey you're doing alot better than most would, by not trying to seek a relationship with her. And really, it is best you don't get involved with co-workers just because the drama it can cause at work can be catastrophic to your working life, getting another job, and even pull you into some sort of legal battle if the relationship ever goes sour.

    If you do decide to persue her at some point though, get transferred to another division or department or look for work outside of the company, and (For the love of God!) let your work know that you two have started a relationship together if you both still work there. It might seem like it's none of the companies business, but letting your place of work know you're dating someone working there means they can enact countermeasures to help prevent inappropriate conduct and circumvent any unfortunate engagement that might happen if the relationship goes south. Usually it just means contact will be minimized during work, you'll be moved to different departments and put on separate shifts.

  17. Miyuu

    Miyuu Adventurer

    I won't try to deny that some girls do. And I even dare to hope it's not most of them. But I can at least speak for the "good" girls who do prefer nice boys. My bf is the sweetest guy on earth, he's always taking care of me and being nice even though I can be a real pain and quite moody and always want to be right. I seriously wonder how he can cope with me but he does, and I won't let go of such a sweetheart for anyone else, even the most wanted ultra rich supermodel (I wouldn't want to be with such a guy anyway).
    Don't give up, seriously. You may decide to move on and let her go if you're sure she's prefer a douche, but don't give up on any girl just because she looks like she's not interested in nice guys. We all want nice guys, but nice guys are often shy and fail to speak up for themselves. Bad guys are filled with confidence and confidence is often mistaken for strength and security. That's what girls are really attracted to, someone who can protect them and stand up.

    Relis likes this.

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